If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
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Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
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