i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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