Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
