I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
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