Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
