Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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