I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
3 2 1 whiskey
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
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