I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
