WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Randomize
