he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
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