Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
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