It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
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