I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
