why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
