That's when you crack a 10am beer
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Randomize
