i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
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