I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Randomize
