who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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