Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Randomize
