is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
