You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Blow job season was short but glorious.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
