I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
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All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
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After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
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