i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
