its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
