Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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