Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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