I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
