I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
you win again, gameday.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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