OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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