We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
