oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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