i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
My feet surprised me
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