I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Randomize
