Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
