Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize
