I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
