enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
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