The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
