i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
