well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
