He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Randomize
