Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Randomize
