May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
