then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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