I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I came so hard my ears popped.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
