i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Randomize
