if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Randomize
