I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
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