Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
