if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Randomize
