College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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