honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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