oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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