College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
