my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Randomize
