Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Randomize
