Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I could fuck to npr.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
