I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I have tasted many bathrooms
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
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