If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize
