I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
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