Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
he wants to bone in the snuggie
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
the liver wants what the liver wants
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Randomize
