I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
