So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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