I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
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