I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Randomize
