actually, I'm a sock model
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Randomize
