I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
