I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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