it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
