I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
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