The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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