How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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