About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
