You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Randomize
