Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
