My hand turned me down
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
