How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Randomize
