how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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