My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
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